I requested her couch in the morning,and she accepted my request. I got to the city (Sacramento,CA) at night. I had hitchhiked all the way to the city,and I called her as soon as I arrived and she picked me up.
She was stoned when she picked me up. She was talking gibberish and crossing a couple of red lights, until we got to her place. When we got to her place,the smell of marijuana was very strong but there was no other evidence of drug use. She asked me to go outside and we talked a bit outside about her couchsurfing experiences and her job overseas as an ESL teacher. She was attractive. Her smile reminded me of my beautiful exgirlfriend. A blond with blue eyes and a nice body.
The following night, she invited me for drinks,but the bar nearby was closed. I told her I did not have much money,and she said that would not be a problem,but since the bar was closed we decided to just stop at a grocery store to buy some cheap wine. I told her I smoke pot every now and then and "she said,oh my god,i did not know,I was trying to hide the fact that I smoke pot,but when you got to my place,I knew I you could smell it" yeah big deal, so she told me that we could smoke a joint once we got back to her place.
When we got to her place,she took out a bag of pot and put it on the table with the wine.She asked me what type of music I like. I said to create a station in Pandora with the band Combichrist.I told her it was electronic music. She sat back down on the couch across from the table,and then we started hitting the pipe,and drinking wine. After a while,she said that the music was making her feel weird. I asked her how. She said that it reminded her of being attacked or raped or something to that effect. I laughed and I told her it was just music. I casually mentioned to her that I had read a psychology book about rape. She started talking about rough sex and then interrupted herself and asked me "wait,so what is your stance on rape?,because I live alone,and you better tell me if you want to countinue staying here" her face changed and she looked very aggressive and told her that i thought rape was wrong but that I believed she was getting too uptight and asked her if we could change the subject.
She said "so what do you want to talk about?" I told her it did not matter and i could not really come up with anything because I was too stoned and a little uncomfortable about she had just said.she got up and was gone for about 15 minutes, and then asked me if I wanted to watch a video with her,it was about this kid called David and how he acted under the influence of thedrugs the dentist had given him.So I was laughing very hard, because the video was awfully funny, but she was not laughing nearly as hard as I was, then I asked her to play it again, and she said "ok but after this I have to go to bed" I told her she could go to bed anytime she wanted to, I just wanted to watch the video again.
So she went to her bedroom and I crashed on the living room couch.
She had let me borrow a backpack that was in really bad shape, I returned it before I left. She sent me a text message saying that her backpack was totally destroyed and that she thought I should replace it but whatever. I told her I would send her a check and she said "I don't want a check,just forget it" and then she went on to say that she felt taken advantage of because hosting had cost her money, no kidding! Hosting does cost money. I don't know if she wanted to be financially compensated or if she just wanted to complain.
One thing I'm sure of,is that this girl had serious emotional problems,on top of that, she was unemployed,so she should not have been hosting,but I bet in her mind she was so great just to let me crash on the couch and did not pay attention of how uncomfortable she made me feel.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
What you should know before you couchsurf
Are you considering couchsurfing? I have been a couchsurfer for years now,and I will talk about my couchsurfing experience as well as some things to avoid.
Let's start with the most popular site: couchsurfing.com It sounds like a wonderful thing at first: free accommodation, you get to meet new people, new places. However, couchsurfing.com is really not as great as it sounds. Granted, I have had fabulous couchsurfing experiences, but a lot of them have been less than satisfactory.Of course all the hippie, idealistic vegan couchsurfers will tell you it's one of the greatest experiences of their life.No it's not. It may seem that way if you are overly idealistic or smoking pot and eating lettuce all day. I am a realistic couch surfer. I see good and bad in people. I expect good and bad in people. The experience is less than perfect or ideal the more you do it. Let's start with my experience with the website itself. If you are going to a place that is very touristic, where a lot of people like to go, beware, you will need to do the couchsurfing requests maybe a month or two in advance. A lot of the hosts in these places can be rude and indifferent to your requests, but most of them will wish you "good luck" as if that made a difference. If you are going to a place where tourists are not all over, then a request two to three weeks in advance is fine.
If you don't have any references, at first it will be very difficult to get someone to host you, most of the hosts want to know that some other hosts have had positive experiences with you, they don't want to take risks, which is understandable, if there are any couchsurfing meeting in your town,you might want to attend them so you can get to meet some hosts and couchsurfers,then you can send them a friend request or ask for a reference on the site, this will be of some help,but don't worry, there will always be some adventurous couchsurfer willing to host you even without references.
Send at least 10 couchsurfing requests a day to different people . This may sound like a lot but after you start sending requests, you will understand, because a lot of these people will reply with rejections. Some will tell you that they will be busy that week you are in town, some will not even find your request until after a month or two because they will stop logging into their account, some forgot to update their profile and will tell you that they are actually in another country, but obviously were too lazy and selfish to update it before they left,some will reject you if you are a man because they think you might stick your dick out at the wrong time, etc etc.
About half of the hosts on couchsurfing.com are really just experimenting and their heart is not really where it's supposed to be,and a lot of them are genuine hosts with real desire to help and meet other people from other places and cultures, but a lot of them are either just experimenting or want to feel like good samaritans. Some of them don't even have a couch and either they have not updated their profile or they created the account for fun and never log in again, some of them say they have a couch and then they respond with"oh sorry, I'm in Ireland, but good luck" you might want to check on their profile where it was they logged in from the last time they logged in.
Once you get someone willing to host you,don't get too excited. Some of the hosts want you to leave in the morning when they leave for work or whatever they might be doing. I had this guy having me leave at 6 or 7 in the morning and the guy came back around 12 midnight, but the guy thought he was being really kind for hosting me, actually, when i found my self in that situation, I thought to myself a hostel would have been much, much better,it would have been worth the money instead of going through that.I don't mind leaving when a host is leaving for work sometimes, but if they are out all day, c'mon that is just not very thoughtful. I prefer the hosts who actually let me have the keys for the length of my stay(but you should never ask for keys,you should let them do this on their own), because really, if you are going to do something, do it right,go all the way, don't do things half-ass! and that is my opinion. I am a good guest and I will usually wash dishes,take out the trash and even be willing to work a bit if my host would request me to do so. Getting back to these hosts that leave for the day and don't leave you keys, my recommendation is, don't do it. These hosts are dicks that want to feel like they are doing something good.You will usually notice that these types of hosts are only willing to host you for a night or two. Not only will you not get enough sleep, but leaving their place and getting back to it will usually be awkward. Now if they leave at nine AM and they return at 4 or 5 that is not so bad and you may be able to see the city and do what you want to do and still have the option to come back early if you wish to do so to rest.
Another thing that you might want to ask about before you stay with your host, is how many people live in the place you will be staying at. Some hosts will live with 5 or 6 other people and you will not find out until you get to their place. Yes, it happened to me, and the hosts somehow did not think that it was important to mention. It is important. Especially when the roommates are obnoxious and loud.
Let's talk about your host's food,if you don't have to take your host's food, I suggest you don't. Some hosts will immediately panic and assume you are trying to take advantage of them if you take their food. I would suggest not to do it, even if they offer.I once had a host tell me I could help myself to anything in the fridge,and then when I actually did, she was indignant and complained about it,saying that I was trying to freeload and a lot of condescending things. Learn from my mistake. Don't do it.Unless you are traveling on very limited resources and your host offers you food, but I suggest telling your host your situation or they will just come to the conclusion you are taking advantage, if you have the option, don't touch their food or their fridge. I had another host, I was buying my own food and putting it in her fridge,what happened is she got my food confused with hers and somehow came to the conclusion I was taking her food!! She started making comments like" that food has to last me for two weeks" when I was not even taking her food! I was just using her fridge! which she had said it was ok in the first place! so I really suggest not only not taking any of your host's food, but avoiding the kitchen area if you can, you can either eat out or dumpster dive for your food, there are also places where you can get free food, which is where the homeless people go, if you do some investigating. Some are listed on the internet.And do not stay with any host who even vaguely mentions someone who ate their food, etc. If these people are so broke that someone drinking some orange juice will affect them financially, they should not be hosting. Hosts should have resources to host. Would you ever host a party without booze,drinks or food? No. So don't stay with someone who considers themselves great hosts because they got a fucking couch and nothing else.
Now if you are a male and your host is a female, or viceversa. No touching! Do not touch your female host! There are cultural differences but a many of the hosts will automatically assume you are trying to go to bed with them. Don't do it! If you are attracted to your host, don't make any move unless your host gives you a clear indication that he/she is attracted to you. Hosts,especially female hosts, do not think of couchsurfing as a context for romantic or sexual encounters. Keep this in mind, things can get really awkward and uncomfortable if you come from a culture or country where is no big deal to touch women or to flirt with them,and then you try to do the same with your host! Some hosts don't understand some cultural differences or the fact that some attraction may be normal. They automatically feel unconfortable if you flirt or try to make a move on them, I would suggest trying to get laid somewhere else in the city, really.Besides, if you are a man couch surfing with a female host, it's as if you did not have a gender all of a sudden. "Oh sleep with a couch surfer?that's unthinkable" your desirability as a male drops below that of the kid working the cash register at McDonald's. A lot of women should not even host men.
A lot of the hosts have not done much couchsurfing or none at all, so they don't undertand that when the couchsurfer gets to their place they will most likely be tired,hungry,and cold. Some inconsiderate hosts will tell you there is a restaurant downtown or two blocks from there. I consider that very thoughtless, but as I said, you don't really want to eat their food anyway, the only exception to this would be when you first get to their place, some thoughtful hosts will understand that you are hungry and tired and some will cook you a meal! I suggest you always carry some snack or grab a bite before you get to your host's place.After they cook you a meal though,stay away from the kitchen and their food.I had some host reply to this blog upset because I describe the couchsurfing experience as less than perfect. Some say if I got a free bed, I shouldn't complain. These are exactly the type of hosts you want to avoid, people who think that since you are getting a bed you are getting a good deal no matter what type of other degradation they put you through. If you are a couchsurfer without dignity who is just happy to get a free bed, this blog is not for you.
Don't stay too much time indoors. Go out and explore. Use the couch as a place to rest and crash and use your computer.
I've never had problems with showers. I take a shower everyday, and none of my host's have objected to that. I have heard however, about some couchsurfers who smell bad, you definitely want to avoid smelling bad if you can, some hosts have a washer and dryer and will welcome you to use it. Definitely use it if you must. You do not want to smell bad, wear deodorant to avoid smelling bad later in the day.
Hosts, ironically, have a consumer mentality. They will always tell you about restaurants and bars like you have all the money in the world. They have jobs and routines they follow everyday, very few of them live adventurous lifestyles or travel a lot. Most of them work a lot. Some claim to be anarchists but they are really not. A lot of them will be vegetarian or enviromentalists, and you can learn a lot about these lifestyles. Do not be offended when they suggest you spend money on this and that place,they live in their own little bubble, which is part of the reason that they want couchsurfers in their place to begin with, they are trying to breakout of their bubble, their routine, the monotony. If you would be just as a hard working and consumer minded as they are, you would be comfortable with the way they view the world. My philosophy is, live more, travel more,work less. Most of my hosts do not share this view. They work a lot and spend a lot, and if they don't have as much money as they would like, they will complain a lot too.
Very few hosts get it 100% right,but then again, they learn as you learn.
The best couchsurfing experience was not even through the website, I did it on my own while I talked to some people in town. They did not even know about the site and had no interest in it. So you might want to socialize or just talk to people when you get to your destination, and you may be surprised how kind and generous people can be, couchsurfing can be a great experience,it can be an opportunity to see the way people live,to see different places with free accomodations, to experience different cultures and ways of life, but if you are not careful, it can be awkward, uncomfortable, and even turn out to be a complete nightmare.
Let's start with the most popular site: couchsurfing.com It sounds like a wonderful thing at first: free accommodation, you get to meet new people, new places. However, couchsurfing.com is really not as great as it sounds. Granted, I have had fabulous couchsurfing experiences, but a lot of them have been less than satisfactory.Of course all the hippie, idealistic vegan couchsurfers will tell you it's one of the greatest experiences of their life.No it's not. It may seem that way if you are overly idealistic or smoking pot and eating lettuce all day. I am a realistic couch surfer. I see good and bad in people. I expect good and bad in people. The experience is less than perfect or ideal the more you do it. Let's start with my experience with the website itself. If you are going to a place that is very touristic, where a lot of people like to go, beware, you will need to do the couchsurfing requests maybe a month or two in advance. A lot of the hosts in these places can be rude and indifferent to your requests, but most of them will wish you "good luck" as if that made a difference. If you are going to a place where tourists are not all over, then a request two to three weeks in advance is fine.
If you don't have any references, at first it will be very difficult to get someone to host you, most of the hosts want to know that some other hosts have had positive experiences with you, they don't want to take risks, which is understandable, if there are any couchsurfing meeting in your town,you might want to attend them so you can get to meet some hosts and couchsurfers,then you can send them a friend request or ask for a reference on the site, this will be of some help,but don't worry, there will always be some adventurous couchsurfer willing to host you even without references.
Send at least 10 couchsurfing requests a day to different people . This may sound like a lot but after you start sending requests, you will understand, because a lot of these people will reply with rejections. Some will tell you that they will be busy that week you are in town, some will not even find your request until after a month or two because they will stop logging into their account, some forgot to update their profile and will tell you that they are actually in another country, but obviously were too lazy and selfish to update it before they left,some will reject you if you are a man because they think you might stick your dick out at the wrong time, etc etc.
About half of the hosts on couchsurfing.com are really just experimenting and their heart is not really where it's supposed to be,and a lot of them are genuine hosts with real desire to help and meet other people from other places and cultures, but a lot of them are either just experimenting or want to feel like good samaritans. Some of them don't even have a couch and either they have not updated their profile or they created the account for fun and never log in again, some of them say they have a couch and then they respond with"oh sorry, I'm in Ireland, but good luck" you might want to check on their profile where it was they logged in from the last time they logged in.
Once you get someone willing to host you,don't get too excited. Some of the hosts want you to leave in the morning when they leave for work or whatever they might be doing. I had this guy having me leave at 6 or 7 in the morning and the guy came back around 12 midnight, but the guy thought he was being really kind for hosting me, actually, when i found my self in that situation, I thought to myself a hostel would have been much, much better,it would have been worth the money instead of going through that.I don't mind leaving when a host is leaving for work sometimes, but if they are out all day, c'mon that is just not very thoughtful. I prefer the hosts who actually let me have the keys for the length of my stay(but you should never ask for keys,you should let them do this on their own), because really, if you are going to do something, do it right,go all the way, don't do things half-ass! and that is my opinion. I am a good guest and I will usually wash dishes,take out the trash and even be willing to work a bit if my host would request me to do so. Getting back to these hosts that leave for the day and don't leave you keys, my recommendation is, don't do it. These hosts are dicks that want to feel like they are doing something good.You will usually notice that these types of hosts are only willing to host you for a night or two. Not only will you not get enough sleep, but leaving their place and getting back to it will usually be awkward. Now if they leave at nine AM and they return at 4 or 5 that is not so bad and you may be able to see the city and do what you want to do and still have the option to come back early if you wish to do so to rest.
Another thing that you might want to ask about before you stay with your host, is how many people live in the place you will be staying at. Some hosts will live with 5 or 6 other people and you will not find out until you get to their place. Yes, it happened to me, and the hosts somehow did not think that it was important to mention. It is important. Especially when the roommates are obnoxious and loud.
Let's talk about your host's food,if you don't have to take your host's food, I suggest you don't. Some hosts will immediately panic and assume you are trying to take advantage of them if you take their food. I would suggest not to do it, even if they offer.I once had a host tell me I could help myself to anything in the fridge,and then when I actually did, she was indignant and complained about it,saying that I was trying to freeload and a lot of condescending things. Learn from my mistake. Don't do it.Unless you are traveling on very limited resources and your host offers you food, but I suggest telling your host your situation or they will just come to the conclusion you are taking advantage, if you have the option, don't touch their food or their fridge. I had another host, I was buying my own food and putting it in her fridge,what happened is she got my food confused with hers and somehow came to the conclusion I was taking her food!! She started making comments like" that food has to last me for two weeks" when I was not even taking her food! I was just using her fridge! which she had said it was ok in the first place! so I really suggest not only not taking any of your host's food, but avoiding the kitchen area if you can, you can either eat out or dumpster dive for your food, there are also places where you can get free food, which is where the homeless people go, if you do some investigating. Some are listed on the internet.And do not stay with any host who even vaguely mentions someone who ate their food, etc. If these people are so broke that someone drinking some orange juice will affect them financially, they should not be hosting. Hosts should have resources to host. Would you ever host a party without booze,drinks or food? No. So don't stay with someone who considers themselves great hosts because they got a fucking couch and nothing else.
Now if you are a male and your host is a female, or viceversa. No touching! Do not touch your female host! There are cultural differences but a many of the hosts will automatically assume you are trying to go to bed with them. Don't do it! If you are attracted to your host, don't make any move unless your host gives you a clear indication that he/she is attracted to you. Hosts,especially female hosts, do not think of couchsurfing as a context for romantic or sexual encounters. Keep this in mind, things can get really awkward and uncomfortable if you come from a culture or country where is no big deal to touch women or to flirt with them,and then you try to do the same with your host! Some hosts don't understand some cultural differences or the fact that some attraction may be normal. They automatically feel unconfortable if you flirt or try to make a move on them, I would suggest trying to get laid somewhere else in the city, really.Besides, if you are a man couch surfing with a female host, it's as if you did not have a gender all of a sudden. "Oh sleep with a couch surfer?that's unthinkable" your desirability as a male drops below that of the kid working the cash register at McDonald's. A lot of women should not even host men.
A lot of the hosts have not done much couchsurfing or none at all, so they don't undertand that when the couchsurfer gets to their place they will most likely be tired,hungry,and cold. Some inconsiderate hosts will tell you there is a restaurant downtown or two blocks from there. I consider that very thoughtless, but as I said, you don't really want to eat their food anyway, the only exception to this would be when you first get to their place, some thoughtful hosts will understand that you are hungry and tired and some will cook you a meal! I suggest you always carry some snack or grab a bite before you get to your host's place.After they cook you a meal though,stay away from the kitchen and their food.I had some host reply to this blog upset because I describe the couchsurfing experience as less than perfect. Some say if I got a free bed, I shouldn't complain. These are exactly the type of hosts you want to avoid, people who think that since you are getting a bed you are getting a good deal no matter what type of other degradation they put you through. If you are a couchsurfer without dignity who is just happy to get a free bed, this blog is not for you.
Don't stay too much time indoors. Go out and explore. Use the couch as a place to rest and crash and use your computer.
I've never had problems with showers. I take a shower everyday, and none of my host's have objected to that. I have heard however, about some couchsurfers who smell bad, you definitely want to avoid smelling bad if you can, some hosts have a washer and dryer and will welcome you to use it. Definitely use it if you must. You do not want to smell bad, wear deodorant to avoid smelling bad later in the day.
Hosts, ironically, have a consumer mentality. They will always tell you about restaurants and bars like you have all the money in the world. They have jobs and routines they follow everyday, very few of them live adventurous lifestyles or travel a lot. Most of them work a lot. Some claim to be anarchists but they are really not. A lot of them will be vegetarian or enviromentalists, and you can learn a lot about these lifestyles. Do not be offended when they suggest you spend money on this and that place,they live in their own little bubble, which is part of the reason that they want couchsurfers in their place to begin with, they are trying to breakout of their bubble, their routine, the monotony. If you would be just as a hard working and consumer minded as they are, you would be comfortable with the way they view the world. My philosophy is, live more, travel more,work less. Most of my hosts do not share this view. They work a lot and spend a lot, and if they don't have as much money as they would like, they will complain a lot too.
Very few hosts get it 100% right,but then again, they learn as you learn.
The best couchsurfing experience was not even through the website, I did it on my own while I talked to some people in town. They did not even know about the site and had no interest in it. So you might want to socialize or just talk to people when you get to your destination, and you may be surprised how kind and generous people can be, couchsurfing can be a great experience,it can be an opportunity to see the way people live,to see different places with free accomodations, to experience different cultures and ways of life, but if you are not careful, it can be awkward, uncomfortable, and even turn out to be a complete nightmare.
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